Top 5 Reasons You Should NEVER Move to Iowa
How could anyone stand this?
With all 49 other states available, we have made a conscious decision to either move to or continue to stay and live in Iowa. Sure it has some cute little anecdotes like it's the only state with a vowel as its first 2 letters of the name or that the right side of the state looks like the profile of a person. But there are at least 5 reasons no one should move to Iowa.
5. There is like almost NO traffic.
Who wants nice little easy, congestion free ride to and from work everyday? Don't you miss the people who don't know what their blinker is used for or people who hit their breaks at the wrong time? Iowa was rated 8th in "Traffic and Infrastructure" which allowed Iowa to crack the Top 5 for states to drive in. Who wants that?
4. Sports are too good.
Did you know since the year 2000, the University of Iowa football team has gone to a bowl game 13 times? Geez. Where's the struggle? Where's the dying fan base that has 3 or 4 die-hards that rally around the team? Both Iowa and Iowa State are consistently in the March Madness tournament. But what about the NIT? Too good for the NIT every once in awhile...? Sheesh. With teams like the Black Hawks, the Bucks, the Kernels, and the Iowa Wolves, you really get to see some of these players blossom into legit athletes. Give me Super Punch-Out's "Gabby Jay" any day.
3. The food tastes too good.
Iowans are basically feeding the entire country. With Iowans transporting food all over, it's just WAY TOO FRESH when it gets to our local stores and restaurants. We all know food is better when it's been freezer-burned in a truck for at least a week before it gets to the store. Or corn RIGHT OFF the cob... I mean RIGHT OFF OF IT? Who needs it?
2. People take part in too many activities.
From live music to organized softball leagues, you'd think that more people would rather sit at home and do nothing. There are multiple county fairs, bars, breweries, nightlife, sporting events, casinos, parks, and organizations all generating a ton of attraction. What happened to the appeal of staying home, drawing the shades, and hiding from society?
1. The people are so nice.
Iowans are so nice, it's unnerving. Why are you holding the door for me or why are you telling me to "have a nice day"? It's weird. The people in Iowa are all too helpful and friendly. People are so accommodating and willing to lead a hand, it's just too nice. Nowhere else in the country has people as nice as Iowans.
With all these reasons, who could ever want to move to Iowa?