This was NOT positive reinforcement. Here's "Crappy News" for Wednesday, November 28th, 2018.

Happy Valley, OR- A suspect got run over by his own car during a police chase.


A patrol officer responded to a 911 call about a theft in progress and spotted 31-year-old Isaiah Gellatly inside a parked car lying in the fully-reclined driver's seat.

Police say he sat up, put the car in drive and sped away. Gellatly blew through multiple stop signs, hit curbs and a retaining wall before hitting the bumper of a squad car.

He then tried to cut in front of his car when it ran into him.

Gellatly's leg was partially pinned under the car, which contained items believed to be stolen, including a tennis racket, a ping-pong paddle, designer sunglasses and a scooter.

He was treated at the hospital for a broken leg before being arrested for theft, unlawful entry, reckless driving, and attempting to elude police. [ABC News]

Hudson, FL- "No means no" applies to men, too.

Pasco County (FL) Sheriff's Office

31-year-old Rebecca Phelps was arrested after groping her boyfriend's genitals Thanksgiving night.

Police say Phelps went into the couple's bedroom wanting to have sex, but the victim refused her advances. She then scratched her boyfriend on his left eye, causing it to swell.

Phelps was booked for domestic battery. Police records show that this is the second time in 14 months that Phelps was busted for allegedly battering a man who did not want to have sex. [The Smoking Gun]

North Yorkshire, U.K.- Police are apologizing for their 'graphic' description of a suspect.


A student was walking home early Sunday morning when she was confronted by a man with a bare chest and his pants around his ankles. The man then performed a sex act in front of her before she got away and called police.

The suspect was described as being 35 to 45 years old, pale with a fat build, "very little chest or pubic hair," as well as having "a small penis with testicles that hang noticeably low."

Numerous residents were upset by the cops' vivid detail, so they changed the physical description of the suspect to simply a "fat naked man." Police are still searching for him. [Daily Mail]

After such flattery...why WOULDN'T he turn himself in?

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